February 10, 2008…
I’m tired of my ramblings. I want to write deliberately, with meaning, passion, and clarity. I care not to blabber on about the woes of such an 18 year old girl. I desire the writings of a young woman seeking after God, to hear of her hopes and dreams, joys and struggles, happiness and heartache.
Right now though, this girl is easily pulled away to reminicsing, to wondering, to worrying. She is all too preoccupied with the “what if’s” and “if only’s” that she is unable to focus on the present – the moment currently. Neither can she easily keep in perspective the tendency of time to pass quickly, and therefore the future, as it relates to opportunity, not that of “possibly’s” and “maybe’s”.
This girl wants deeply for her faith to be blantantly apparent and alluring in that. But maybe she doesn’t want it deeply enough… She feels as though that outcome is far off, possibly never to be attained.
This girl suffers from inconsistency, lack of self-discipline and motivation, lack of ability to focus, worrying, wondering, and wandering, and all other self-inflicted ailments. This girl wonders “will it ever end? Will it ever come to a halt? Is there any sort of relief to be had?”
This girl desires to live a life rich with color and vivacity. To lead an intentional life – to enjoy every minute, to not be in want. To live to the potential that her Creator made possible for her life. She wants to believe that she is beautiful, alluring, captivating.
This girl wants to fall in love with the Lover of her soul – her True Love.
This girl…she is transitioning…she is being shown the love He has for her – His Beloved. She is being told and shown how she fits into this “life” thing – where she shines. She is being shown that not everything is for naught. But that there is a purpose in everything – even her.
-This Girl
